belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize