he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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