Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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