his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
