She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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