using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
