okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize