A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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