So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
