Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
