I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was CRYING into my vagina
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
