You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
