Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ugly people sure do ruin things
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
