yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Randomize
