after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
