hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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