Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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