my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
