Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
