somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
