If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
