What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
