I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I die, sorry about rent.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
