do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
