he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
