Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
