We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
