You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
