My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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