you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
