My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
