I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
