she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
