More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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