im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize