I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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