i don't like sucking hair
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
