I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize