When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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