Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
