I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
