vagina is talking i cant
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
