mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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