finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
