your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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