dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
