we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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