Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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