Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
