I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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