oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
