can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
