Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
