Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
