is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want her autograph on my taint
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
