Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize