they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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