Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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