I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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