i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
