They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
