My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
