i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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