Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
