Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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