Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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