If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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