Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
