Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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