they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Randomize
