Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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