I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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