living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
