We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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