Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
