we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
