You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
