Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
