He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
