im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
