when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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