My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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