So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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