My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Randomize
