No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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