you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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