addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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