This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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