Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You are a booty call, not a friend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
