I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
