just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
