I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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